Without Love I am Nothing - Name Withheld - True Story

A few years ago, in Orissa, my friend's husband was burned alive by Hindu extremists. He had no funeral, no candlelight vigils, no media publicity, no sympathy from the public. My friend ran pillar to post, and continues to live in Orissa. I cannot give her name in her story as her life will be in danger. While we are quick to judge other countries, we have not progressed very far with religious tolerance. My friend's story is just one in thousands that are left untold in India...

Once again, we should always remember, only God is the true  converter of a human soul.  No human can convert anyone.  It is God's Spirit to a human's spirit that converts, transforms and gives new spiritual birth!


Name Withheld, Orissa, India

Early Days
In Odisha, I lived in the district of Kalahandi with my parents, two other sisters and one brother.

One particular evening, as the shadows grew longer and the orange sun sank down further, my mother was busy preparing to do the pooja at home.  The thick sweet smell of incense, the shrill tingling of bells, the droning of the pandit who came to the home, as well as the statues in the pooja room that evening gave me a sense of fear.  I felt if I failed to do a ritual, one of the gods would punish me.  I did not feel any love or kindness extending from them to me, but I did not dare to voice my feeling to my parents.  They were staunch Brahmin Hindus.

Odisha is old historic state where once the Mauryan Emperor Ashoka fought the famous battle of Kalinga in 261 BC, a place where the sight of blood and violence broke his heart and changed him forever to embrace nonviolence and Buddhism.  With cultural roots steeped in the stone and iron age of India, in folklore, music and dance, now with chanting priests, temple bells, and the home of many a militant Maoist, Hindus, among hundreds of Christian converts over the years, Odisha flourishes with its panoramic history.

One day, I saw a movie on Jesus and it deeply touched my life.  I wanted to know more about this Christian god who seemed to kind and caring and did marvelous miracles.  He offered hope.  Later in the years, I met a Christian girl from school.  I summoned up courage and asked her, "Can you give me a Bible?"

"Oh, sure!" replied the Christian girl surprised.  She did give me a Bible, but never taught me how to read it, and the Bible remained  in my room gathering dust.

The Greatest Encounter

When I was in college, I had an opportunity to meet a pastor.  I was very excited.  I never met a Christian pastor before.  I saw a man whose eyes were filled with light and the power of a presence I could never call "low"..  I asked him timidly "Can you teach me to read the Bible?"  The pastor looked at me and said quietly, "Pray to God, child, and ask Him to teach to read, pray and then open the Bible, and keep reading and learning in this way."  That night when I went home, I happily got out my Bible out and started to pray hard to God, "Dear God, please show me how to read this Bible, I do not know anything."  As I spoke to God, I felt my heart rise up with joy.  I had never felt like this with any of my temple visits, even when I tried to pray.  When I first opened the Bible, the page opened to the book of John!  The whole plan of salvation leaped out from the pages and every word spoke deep to my heart.  That night, after reading a lot of the book of John, I  knelt at my bedside and gave my heart and life to Jesus.  Such love and unspeakable joy flooded my soul.  I knew this Jesus was real, He was wonderful.

Rejection

Later that night I was very excited softly whispered to my mother, "Mother, I have accepted Christ in my life as my Lord and Savior!"

"You what?" gasped my mother and her eyes flashed angrily and she said sharply  "You told me this, but you must never tell anyone, and never your father, perhaps in a few weeks, this madness of yours will pass away."  I did not say a word, but deep in my heart, a purposeful direction came, I felt I had a do a few things to secure the veracity of my decision.  Early the next morning, I got ready and was ready for breakfast and spoke to my father saying boldly, "Father, I need to tell you something, I have become a Christian."  My father's face changed color.  At that moment, he looked purple.  I had not expected such a reaction.  He went up to me and hit me.  "You change your statement, and I will stop beating you" he shouted.  I shook my head and so he dragged me to my room and shut me in and locked the door.  I was in shock and shaking violently could barely cry.  The clock ticked by.  Hours passed.  My mother tried to talk me into confessing I was not a Christian but I could not comply.  I had experienced the reality of Jesus, I could not give Him up.  He would rescue me, so I started praying.  I prayed much.

I was locked in my room for a year and they would give me only food and water.  Those were long waiting days and weeks and I began to wonder.  "If I say I do not believe, I can have everything, all the comforts, I can enjoy life and be like a free bird, should I just say no, I don't believe in Jesus?'  An old familiar voice also started to whisper to me, "You are being a foolish girl, how do you not know what you had was just an emotional experience, in the end you will have nothing, no family, no one, be sensible and wake up from this dream, you can have everything if you just give up Jesus!"  But the more I spent time reading the Bible, which I hid, and the more I prayed, I grew stronger, the confirmation that my experience was real and Jesus was real became stronger like a thick three-fold cord that could not be broken, the Word, the Spirit of Jesus and prayer empowered me.  The joy I experienced with Jesus was indescribable.  No one could take that away.

Finally, one day my mother opened the door and I got a shocker. "Go, leave and don't come back."   I was bewildered.  I thought they would change.  I never expected my parents to tell me to leave.  It was a big bad world out there and I had led a very protected life, but my parents demanded that I leave.  They did not seem to care where I went.  I took a little bag, a little money and left.  I went straight to the Christian pastor's house.

He and his wife were kind and let me stay with them, but soon, they had to think of where I could go, which would help me in my faith and also be safe for me.

Ultimately, they sent me as a worker in a Christian ministry in a city.  I went thinking I would experience the warmth and love of other Christian brothers and sisters.  This did not exactly work out as expected and things were hard at times.  I worked in a couple of ministries and it was not an easy road and I was uneasy.  Then a strong leading came over me to go back to Odisha and work among my people.  This happened after serving in some Christian ministries for a few years.

When I went back Odisha, I did meet my future husband there, a strong believer of Christ, a man of great faith and prayer.  He had grown up in an orphanage and his early years had taught him to depend on God for everything.  As he prayed, God brought him and I together in a marvelous way.  Both of us had no idea of the road ahead and what would happen, but we did have a lot of faith in God and trusted Him.  My husband was a kind man, who often went to the neighboring villages preaching about having faith in a living God and very often prayed for the people, visiting their homes.  Later, we then had a baby boy.

The Longest Night

In 2008, one evening as we were both in our house getting ready for dinner, someone knocked on our door. It was an unknown lady.  She said, "Brother, one house needs prayers, please can you come?  Someone is very sick there." My husband concerned and kind, got up immediately got up and told me "Eat, I will be back soon".  I fed the baby, who was hungry. The evening turned to night and my husband did not come back the whole night.  I did not sleep, waiting the whole night and watching the clock anxiously.  He did not come back.  I felt something was not right. Early next morning at 5 o'clock, someone knocked on the door.  I was relieved.  He is back, I thought and I opened the door.

A woman I knew stood at the door gasped breathlessly, "I have some bad news, I am so sorry to tell you last night some Hindu extremists got six Christians together in a house and locked the door and I am so sorry to tell you, they burned them.  They are all dead, your husband too" she gave a long pause as I took time to sink this in, I felt I was going to faint and swoon.

The lady said quickly "You have to run fast, get out before they catch you too.  Last night when someone called your husband for prayer, I am very sad to tell you it was a setup, it was a lie.  They had planned to get them together for this...I am so sorry, I don't know what to say, but you have to run fast and get away"

I was in a trance of shock, sorrow and numbness, my emotional pain so unbearable I could hardly stand.  I could not believe my husband was not alive, burned alive!  With shaking hands I managed to pack a small bag and run with my baby, now 6 months old.  The lady who brought the news could not keep me in her house as she said it was not safe for me or her.  I ran to another Christian home.  When they saw me at the door, they refused to take me in.  "You have to go far or they will catch and kill us too," they told me,   I had no time to grieve; I had to think of the baby now, so I had to walk for miles before I managed to get on a bus that went to a town 36 kilometers away.  On the bus, some Hindu extremists stopped the bus, as they were stopping all buses.  They were pretending to give Prasad (holy food offered of the idols) to the passengers.  The passengers that refused Prasad were the Christians as they suspected, and they caught women and men by the hair and dragged them out of the bus on the road and started beating them mercilessly.  I prayed as they came towards me offering Prasad, but they did not seem to see me and overlooked me.  I was not offered Prasad!  I felt as if God blinded their eyes!

I finally reached the other town and spent the night in another Christian's house.  That night was the darkest coldest and longest night and the sorrow kept piercing my heart.  I could not even pray, but my soul kept calling the Lord, finally, He did seem to comfort my pain, but the pain kept coming back and I continued to groan in my spirit.  The next morning, the Christian people told me I would have to leave, it was not safe for them nor for me, many Christian homes refused to keep me for fear of their lives.

Christian were being killed all over.  Many died in this violent spree.  This violence was sourced from a Hindu extremist party.  They set fire to many Christian settlements, and at least 50 Christians or more were killed.  In addition, several Christians were forced to flee their villages "after their houses were attacked by rampaging mobs.  The Hindutva burned 730 houses and 95 churches. Hundreds of displaced Christians took shelter in various relief camps set up by the state government.

This violence was triggered by a big row in the district of Kalahandi. Swami Laskmananda was attacked by someone with a personal enmity and then later on murdered.  The Swami's own people later admitted that they had killed the Swami due to his immoral life, but somehow another rumor was spread around that it was the Christians!  The Hindu activists framed the Christians for the murder of Swami Laskmananda, a report which inundated the district with violence and murder through the false reports floating around.  This mindless violence that was the offspring of this falsity where the innocent were killed was in fact a set up situation making Christians scapegoats for the activists own agendas.

My husband was killed for being a Christian and that too, a well-known one who prayed with people, preached, and shared his faith even though he was of course obviously not involved with the Swami's murder as many other Christians were not, of course, either.

The Rugged Road and The Cross

In all this, I could not get a time for even grieving, I was running from pillar to post, no one was able to comfort me during my pain, but the Lord stood by my side and comforted me with His presence.  My baby got severely malnourished during this period as there was insufficient food for him or for me.   One night, I looked up in the darkened sky studded with silver stars.  I seemed to get the words very strongly in my heart, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  I knew Jesus was speaking to me.  I would make it.

The road ahead was long, interspersed with warm rays of sunlight, then storms of hard pelting rain and then whispers of cool refreshing breezes of love from the Lord.  When concerned Christian friends have offered to help me to leave Odhisa, and move out to Bangalore or other cities where prospects would be better for me, I am sure that I am to remain in Odhisa.  My God is faithful, He is sooo good, my God is great."

I am now a teacher in Kahahandi.  My son is 8 years old, a loving child.  (2015) He has suffered the aftermath of malnourishment and still needs more nutrition.  My family members do talk to me now.

I want to live as a witness for Christ in a state, which is still in stormy unrest, and still unsafe for Christians. I may even seem unwise to remain in Kalahandi, but God gives me the strength to remain.  I always remember that without love, I am nothing, so I have to forgive all who hurt us and move on.  Jesus teaches us the power of forgiveness and love.  With forgiveness, I got my own healing.

**************************************

In spite of the religious violence still echoing around in Odisha, this young lady is at peace in her soul because of Jesus in her life.  She had turned from sorrow to joy and the light is dawning brighter.  Her hope in Christ is that one day, when this is all over, she will meet Christ and her husband, and life does not end on Earth.  Once Earth's chapter is over, a new chapter begins in Heaven where a glorious life in Heaven awaits every faithful believer.  The sun has risen in her life again, from a sorrowful season of sadness and moaning.  God is strengthening her, and her little son in her faithful walk uphill.  Though it may seem very sad and unfair that after believing on Christ, and later getting married to a Christian, to have this atrocity happen to her husband along with others in 2008, she has got comfort from God.  When I finally met her and spoke with her and she shared her story, her face was calm though breaking down sometimes, but she did say a few times, "God is soooooo gooood to me!"  I found that very touching and it really means God is with her in her situations or she could never ever be able to say that!

"Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Revelation 21: 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

________________________________________________________________________ Only God is the true  converter of a human soul.  No human can convert anyone.  It is God's Spirit to a human's spirit that converts.